In which I place my insecurities for all to see

Spent Friday and Saturday wallowing in the fact I’m a big loser. Because Facebook. And Instagram. And possibly Twitter. 

Everyone does everything better than I do. Everyone is more fit and more fun and more fabulous. Their children are smarter, cuter, and more talented. Their husbands are more loving, more generous, and more connected to them and their family. They have abilities that overshadow even my biggest achievements. And so many friends…

And they do all this with perfect hair and the perfect smile. 

And the perfect filter. 

And it’s really all very insignificant anyway and why does it have this power to make me feel less than? 

My friend would say it’s pride. And insecurity. Rooted in pride. And by all that’s good and right stop following those people.

And she’s right.

And the sad thing is I don’t even follow them. I seek them out when I’m due for a good dose of self pity.

Oh that it were like snapping the fingers and declaring that the Holy Spirit is more powerful so begone feelings of insecurity. But it’s more like wallow rise sink cry trust gain sink fall climb.

It’s messy. And complicated. And it’s in the life of it that the relationship becomes real. Because a quick fix would be a genie, not a God.

So I have to decide. Do I want a genie, or do I want a messy, imperfect relationship with a powerful, unpredictable, untamable, fierce, good, holy sovereign King?
Which seems like a pretty easy choice when I put it that way.

But I’ll choose the relationship anyway. 

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One thought on “In which I place my insecurities for all to see

  1. I love your honesty, Jeanne. And your writing. It’s refreshing in the midst of the other crap I’m reading about the Kardashians (sorry, obsessed). Comparison is such a trap. An addiction. And we have a constant supply of it daily. Like any other substance, it robs us of our time, our focus, our mental and sometimes physical health, our families, our joy. We scroll, scroll, scroll through perfect pictures and moments and memories and we can’t help but feel failed. This distraction and subsequent depression is the same experience drugs give. And the same spiritual consequences. I have to apply the same 12 steps to my addiction to voyeurism and escape via technology and social media. 1. Realize I’m powerless over my addiction to escape ans comparison. 2. Ask God to restore my insanity. 3. Turn over my whole jacked up life, my desire for something different, my selfish self-serving attitude, my pain and discomfort, my self pity and subsequent ingratitude, my brokenness, and my present moments to a loving, forgiving and gracious God. What’s great is having friends that will do this with me. You’re one of my gems, Jeanne. And I love that we are doing this together.

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