So, I had a feeling-not-so-great day on Saturday. We were supposed to go boating with friends, but we ended up staying home. MM was not well, either, so it worked out. We let the kids play video games and watch TV all morning, so it was a banner day for them!
Finally, mid-afternoon we decided to go to Target. The kids had some allowance money burning a hole in their pockets, and I was feeling guilty that I had pretty much ignored them all day, so away we went.
At one point, LM had to use the restroom, so I took her and let’s just say, she’s not quick on the potty. So as I was sitting outside the restrooms waiting for her, I had a lot of time to people watch. I realized that if I saw anyone I knew, I would be embarrassed because of how I looked. I was wearing white sweat-pants-type capris, that were now a sort of grayish color with random stains on them, a T-shirt, and while I had brushed my hair, I hadn’t tried to make it look like anything nice. And of course I was not wearing make-up.
As I looked around, I saw some “pretty” people, some pretty made-up people, and some people who looked like me. And I was sad because I thought, I’m exactly the same person inside right now as I am when I have my hair done and my make-up on and I’m wearing nicer clothes. Why do I feel like less of a person because I don’t look as nice as I sometimes do? And how sad is it that I probably judge a lot of people on how they look, when I don’t know who they are inside but I know on the outside they look like a slob? Like I did at Target.
I hate shopping. I hate clothes. I hate doing my hair. I hate make-up. I know… that makes me some sort of un-woman. But I would just rather be in a T-shirt and well, honestly, my underwear most of the time. I’d rather be comfortable.
If you saw me in Target and started a conversation, I could talk to you about Jesus and religion and existentialism and the economy and make jokes about inappropriate things. But you probably wouldn’t come up to me and talk to me. Why? Because I’m not as pretty as you are.
Last fall, I decided not to wear make-up anymore because I thought that I spent too much time on what my outside looks like and not enough time on what my character looks like. But then I started feeling so ugly around everyone else who was made-up that I started wearing make-up in public again. And I am working to improve my character (God is certainly drawing me to Him in new ways every single day). But I still worry too much about the outside. Why should I feel like less of a person because I went to Target looking like I normally do (well, with pants on)?
I don’t think I can make a stand by going out more in my underwear, but maybe I will try the no make-up thing again. But instead of making me think about how ugly I can be on the inside sometimes, this time it will remind me not to judge others based on how pretty they are. I’m going to make a focused point to try to connect with those who don’t look like they have it all together, because they (we) can be just as interesting even though they (we) might not look as pretty!