I don’t dare make reference to the elephant in the room, but my weight has become that kind of an issue in my life. As an explanation, I have been pregnant 5 times and at an average of 30 pounds each pregnancy, that is 150 pounds that have been added to my once average-weighted body. And considering each baby was about 8 pounds, plus placenta and other stuff, that is still only maybe 60 pounds off for deliveries. So that left me with 90 pounds to lose. When I look at it that way, the fact that I’m still 40 pounds over what I was when I began to get pregnant, I feel a little better.
But it doesn’t help me from wishing and hoping that I was 40 pounds lighter. The thing is, I feel a lot of stress daily. Trying to keep this house and homeschool and marriage and everything else running day after day and week after week is stressful. I love it and I chose it, but it doesn’t make it less stressful. And so I snack a little here and a little there, and as sad as it is, in some ways it could be worse. It could be a little vodka here, a little rum there. I feel like I’m choosing the lesser evil.
Yet I want to be not just thin but healthy. For the littles and for MM. It is such a struggle and for a girl with absolutely no will-power, right now it is a struggle I’m losing. I want to make good choices, and over the past summer I’ve spend hundreds of dollars of money we don’t have trying different products but of course they’ve failed because I’m not consistent. So between healthy food costing more (and you know it does) and taking more time to prepare and me wanting good ole’ comfort food to ease my stress, well, it doesn’t look like I’ll be 40 pounds less anytime soon.
One other things to hinder me: unless I get up at 5 a.m., I can’t really get exercise. MM leaves for work at 6:30 a.m., and once the kids are up, well, you know. It just doesn’t happen. Right now I wake up at 6 a.m. and do my devotions (which I think is the more important thing), but that doesn’t leave any time for exercise. I try to walk with the kids or swim, but it really doesn’t provide exercise that I need to lose weight.
I welcome any suggestions or encouragement, or ideas, or examples, or a volunteer to come be my shopper, cook, and personal trainer. Preferably the latter.